Now, bring me that,er, lampblack
by Archer
Summary: You can imprison him, maroon him, even try to hang him, and Jack Sparrow will come out of it with a smile...or at least a devious grin, but don't ever try to steal his eyeliner, for then you shall know the meaning of the word PAIN...not to mention WRATH..
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them..except the Merciless and crew. Don't sue me.  
  
Chapter 1.  
  
The small ship cut a smooth and deadly path through the water, gaining on the Black Pearl with worrying ease.  
  
Gibbs was standing at the prow, waiting for a reply. "She's a pirate ship alright!" shouted his captain with a frivolous grin, "And she's fast, but we're bigger and we out-gun her."  
  
Gibbs nodded, it was the speed of the thing that had unnerved him, but if Captain Sparrow wasn't worried.well, there was either nothing to worry about, or the man was a loon.  
  
He looked at the rapidly approaching ship with sudden panic. Sparrow caught his expression, "Easy mate, they could just be wantin' to see The Pearl, and get a ganders at her famous captain." He grinned, and walked off down the deck. Gibbs looked out over the sea. "That's what I'm afraid of." he muttered.  
  
The fast approach of the pirate vessel meant that her name was now visible, and as The Merciless drew closer, her crew were seen waving various weapons around and shouting obscenities that were lost in he wind.  
  
Sparrow shrugged "Or they could be stupid enough to attack." He said. Gibbs joined him on deck and had an arm flung round his shoulders and Sparrow winked at him with smudged kohl-ringed eyes "Tell the lads that they're free to wave their own weapons about" In fact the crew of The Black Pearl were already giving as good as they were getting, words like "dog" and "cheese" were heard above the general shouting.  
  
Gibbs grinned at the thought of an insult composed of "You're mother was a dog, ye scurvy cheese!" or vise versa. Jack Sparrow straightened up with pride and said "You know how there's some things a pirate has to do 'afore a fight mate?"  
  
Gibbs nodded, he knew, actually "You're mother was a cheese!" didn't carry much weight as an insult..good on the parrot for trying though.  
  
"Well, I gotta go and fix me eyeliner." And with that he walked into his cabin with precious few minutes to spare before The Merciless caught them.  
  
Gibbs drew his sword and looked mean. Could you even get scurvy cheese anyway?  
  
The crew of the Merciless spotted Anamaria, and raucous laughter broke out. " A woman pirate! What's she do? The washing up?" Gibbs raised his eyebrows, this could be interesting..short, but interesting. "Or perhaps she keeps you happy some other way gents?" The Black Pearl was suddenly silent, the crew standing perfectly still, their weapons a sudden wall of steel.  
  
The silence spread to the other ship, and the only thing to be heard was the sound of sails creaking in the wind. There was a growing space around the offending pirate, a man who looked as though his ancestry had involved a close encounter with an elephant seal.  
  
The axe left Anamaria's hand and hit the man between the eyes, killing him before he hit the floor.  
  
Gibbs nodded to himself, the sound of muffled cursing could be heard from within the Captain's cabin.  
  
"Um," said a short pirate with a beard you could sweep the deck with. "We, er..we weren't with him on that one."  
  
Anamaria spat with incredible accuracy and hit the dead man's face.  
  
Creak, went the sails in the wind.  
  
"Um." said the short pirate again, "We weren't going to attack actually, we just wanted to see The Pearl, the shouting an' that..it was just..well, you have to, eh lads? You know?"  
  
Gibbs and various crew members nodded, they did know. No matter whether you were looting a ship, having a drink, or going to tea with your mother, if you couldn't insult someone with at least 20 interesting uses of the words "dog", "scurvy" and possibly "cheese" then you weren't a pirate.  
  
The crew of The Merciless were trying to talk to the crew of the Pearl whilst staying as far away from Anamaria as possible, this meant that a burly group of men were all standing at one end of a small ship and the prow was in danger of lifting out of the water.  
  
Suddenly, everyone's attention was diverted when a roar of rage sounded from the captain's cabin and Jack Sparrow emerged, wild eyed. He strode down the deck, larger than life, like an avenging angel.  
  
The crew of the Merciless gaped at him, there wasn't a man jack of 'em who hadn't heard the tales of Jack Sparrow, he had the Devil's own luck, and was the most feared fighter on the sea, he wasn't a man to get on the wrong side of, and right now he looked pretty pissed off..  
  
To be continued. 


	2. The promotion of Mr Um

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Merciless and crew. Don't sue me.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Silence reigned on deck; even Gibbs came out of his reverie to watch this. Jack turned like a whirlwind with beads and strode over to him; the look in his eyes was that of a cornered tiger, or a desperate man..or both.  
  
Gibbs took a step back. Jack waved his hands at him wildly in an effort to get his point across, one which failed miserably. He clocked the confusion on Gibbs's face and leaned closer. "Someone, has stolen me eyeliner mate." He nodded for emphasis.  
  
The first mate's mouth feel open, it was like a chieftain without woad, Jack with no eye black. Well, at least he still had his hat, and judging by the look on the faces of the crew of the Merciless, his ship was in no danger, two out of three there then.  
  
Jack jingled angrily over to Anamaria and whispered something to her, for a moment she looked like she wanted to laugh but thought the better of it; Jack's face could have halted a storm. Seldom had Gibbs ever see the man so worked up, the last time had been over missing rum and a wench, more accurately, the wench had run off with his rum, he had mourned the rum for well over three hours.  
  
He cast a glinting eye over the crew. No, they wouldn't, no one on board the Black Pearl was that stupid or suicidal. Still, by the sounds of it, Jack had searched very thoroughly indeed. Jack was pacing around muttering to himself, when he suddenly spun round, taking notice of the Merciless for the first time since he had returned to the deck.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" he shouted at them, waving his hands around as if too shoo them away.  
  
"Um." It was a familiar um, Gibbs looked up and yes, it was the short bearded pirate who spoke. "We, um.." he trailed off; eyes like hot coals were boring into him. "They just came to have a look at the Pearl captain." Gibbs said, earning himself a grateful smile form the short pirate, Gibbs stared at the man's beard, he could have sworn it just moved of it's own accord.  
  
Jack nodded; he seemed to have passed into a period of relative calm. "Well." He stood in a heroic posture, feet apart, hands on hips, "What d'you think?" he flung his arms out, indicating the Pearl and crew.  
  
There were appreciative sounds from the Merciless, when Jack's arm swept over Anamaria, the sounds rose to a respectful buzz, there was even some brief applause from the quarterdeck.  
  
"What say we invite these lads over for a drink, aye?"  
  
"AYE!" came the resounding shout from the Pearl.  
  
The crew of the Merciless looked amazed. They were going to set foot on the Black Pearl, actually on the deck, with Captain Jack Sparrow no less! The most talked about pirate on the Spanish Main, a man who commanded respect, even if he did have wonky eyeliner.  
  
"Who's the Cap'n?" said Sparrow. Various embarrassed nods indicated the dead body that an industrious crew member was about to drop over the side.  
  
"Who's the Cap'n now?" The crew went into a huddle and eventually the short pirate with the mobile beard whom Gibbs had mentally named Um was pushed forward.  
  
"Me, um." He nodded; the body went over the side with a resounding splash and a few quiet cheers from the crew. Gibbs turned to his captain and said in a low voice "Wasn't a popular fella was he?"  
  
"Apparently not."  
  
With the minimum of fuss the Merciless drew alongside the Black Pearl and the crew boarded, stepping lightly as if on hallowed ground. Um shyly introduced himself as Thomas Bollet, born and raised in Tortuga, which meant that Jack warmed to him immediately and seemed to have forgotten his previous outburst.  
  
Gibbs watched him, he was up to something. He looked gratefully at the rum that was being broken out; it would all look better after a drink.  
  
To be continued. 


End file.
